Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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