you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
