"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
