So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
