Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my phone needs a breathalizer
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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