If i come over, it means nothing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
