take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
