we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
