but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
