his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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