Quick, to the slutcave!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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