Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
