She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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