She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
