you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
