go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
