i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
