Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
