Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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