Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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