There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
