I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
