Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
