Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
