I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
