Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
