one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
