You're my little dorito
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
honey bunches of taint.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
there is glitter all over my balls
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
