I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
