I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
