so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
