my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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