omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
