remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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