i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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