The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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