Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
