He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
