I didn't shave. On purpose
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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