hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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