im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize