We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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