Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am one with the molecules
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
