Is my lip ring still in your hair?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
