headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just forgot I was standing up.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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