why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
