I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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