New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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