There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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