You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
