I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
