I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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