No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
