they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
